I think the worst has passed. I seem to have stopped sobbing, so that's good. I went upstairs to make tea, which I was avoiding because I didn't want to sick myself in this state on my darling roomies. Anyway, they both came in the kitchen and hugged me while I cried. Oh oh. I may start again just writing about it. Had some peppermint tea and watched the Chappelle show and the Daily Show. I enjoyed those. Jon Stewart suspiciously left Bush alone tonight. Weird.
So here's the thing. I thought I should be alone in order to keep my shit off everyone's "to worry about" list. But alone, while usually in such short supply and so desperately desired by me, is maybe not the best thing right now. I was much calmer with Chris and Katrin in the room. I felt normalized. At least, I didn't feel like I'd do myself or someone else a harm. Now I'm back in my room, alone, and I feel the whole thing creeping up on me again.
I am trying not to be a whiny little crybaby, but I am feeling serious stress lately. I know I'm not living where it's war torn, or plagued by famine, disease or disastrous weather...but I'm all wound up anyway.
Did you see Tom Cruise on the Today show lipping off about how there's no such thing as a chemical imbalance and how psychiatry is a pseudo science that he doesn't believe in? I think he's imbalanced. It's not good for people to live so far removed from reality for so long that they think they know everything about everything because their movies make a lot of money. He's becoming a dangerous man. Run, Katie, run!
I'm hoping the worst of the self loathing is over. I'm hesitant to say "all better", because, you know, the stressors are all still in place. Firmly. But I think I'll make it through the night without wanting to evaporate. Uch. I'm puffy in the eye area and now having a crazy sneezing fit. I'm probably allergic to crying, or self pity.
God, I feel like crap. I can't wait to have enough money to pay my rent. Barf. That was me barfing from anxiety. I hate when I can't eat. Uh oh. I have five new emails. I bet they're from you guys, being nice. Thanks.