Late. Again.

I am late for everything all the time. Genetically predisposed to it.

On my way to Zizanie to do a little bitta standup. Show went alright last night. Neither as nervous nor as joyful as I would have expected. Wondering where standup fits in my creative life. Going to keep doing it for the time being and see what my heart says.

Someone from Kuwait read commented on my last blog entry. That's freakin' cool, strangers from that far away reading my little blog. He (I think it's a he) said it was funny, so that's encouraging.

Off to make the masses giggle!!


Drinky Drinkerson

Quite drunk just at the moment. If I left in all the mistakes I'm making it would be hilarious but unreadable. I'll do a paragraph at the end where I leave in all the mistakes. Trust me, keep reading.

I have, once again, made a complete ass of myself in front of a celebrity. I did a show at El Cocal tonight, which went fairly well, and Alan Cumming was there. (Look him up on imdb, you'll recognize him), and he's one of my favourite actors, and I haven't eaten anything today except popcorn, and then I had lots of wine at the show, and then I met him...oooh, have been aggressive and mouthy all night.

Okay. Too durnnk to continue. This si the drunk paragraph I promisted you wher eI wouldn't corect any of the mistaktes. It's alreasy funny. Oof . Am going to eat soemthing I put in the mcriowave and wathc the televeisoin. Oh, mky , god, ikt's worse than I though.lt. Will continue this tomorrow. Have acdcidentlally corected threee things in this paragaraph. Oh, dear. Four.

Nighty night then.




Woke up in a bit of a snit today. Just right off the bat. I had sort of weird, grouchy dreams, too. Can't retell them, don't remember them, but know they weren't restful.

I'm a bit bent out of shape about money, I think. Had to take my car in yesterday after the engine seemed to be on fire. Blue smoke all of a sudden everywhere. Stupid cars. I wouldn't bother but I'm caught in this place where I need the car for work, so I gotta pay for it in order to get paid. Capiche? Argh. Anyway, needless to say, for anyone that's known me for any length of time, I don't have extra money just lying around waiting for my car to break down. So, now it's rent or car. But without car I can't work.....you see? Wish it didn't get me all jangled up, but it does.

Although, it has just occurred to me this second that I might be all out of sorts because I have to go do comedy tonight. Very nervous. And after my rant last night feeling a bit snarly at it.

I'm going to write something now. But what? But what? Jokes, jokes. I want to just get up there and vent, but I don't know how to make it funny. Same, dumb struggle I've been having for the last two years. How do I take what I believe and make it funny? Just keep punching, that's the thing to do.



Feminism Revisited

I am having a bee in my bonnet about the state of womanhood. I have been conversing with a friend and we have both realized that it's just in the last couple of years that this anger at the situation has been building. That we had both left it behind in our early twenties, but it has reared again, and fiercely. What we as women are contending with as well as the role models we are provided, is, in short, fucked. That was a terrible sentence, but I'm sleepy and the point is just to get it off my chest. I have not perfected it.

Listen, I don't want to get into the global issues, all I want to talk about is my recent sojourns back into the standup comedy world. I don't know if I didn't care before, or if it's because I took time away from it and spent more time in the theatre/improv/sketch world here, but, whatever the source, I am mad. I don't know why it has taken me so long to recognize the straight, white, maleness of the standup community, and the complete lack of interest on the part of the straight, white males to make it any different. You see, a male comedian can dress how he wants, shlubby or stylish, or whatever, and still be thought of as a great comic. But a woman can be smart, funny, wicked, engaging and an all around great comic and not be considered great until she puts on knee high boots, a short skirt and a cleavage exposing top. Now, those of you who know me know I like to look pretty, and certainly like to play up the tit factor, but that's my own business. I don't think it should have any bearing on my talents. Not that I've noticed it yet for my own self, but coming off the Fringe festival, where I have seen so many bold, beautiful, moving and hilarious performances by women, and where I was around so many women, and the improv scene where there are so many women I and our male cohorts respect....then showing up at comedy nights again, and it's really, really different. I am having reservations about diving into it again. I don't like being told by all these boys how it should be done. I guess that leaves it to me to do it my way, though I'm not sure what that is yet. Plus, I'm not sure how to turn this mad into funny. I think I'll ask my dad.

Somehow I thought writing a little of this down would help, but I'm still mad. I haven't even addressed my despair at women allowing themselves to be whorish all over the cover of magazines and the tv. Ich. That's a blog entry for another time.

Power to the People.

Sisters....we gotta get it together.


Straight Up Info

Stand up shows this week:

Wednesday, El Cocal, 9:30pm, Commercial Drive between Parker and Napier.

Thursday, Zizanie, 9:30pm, Northwest corner 7th and Fir.

Sunday, DV8, 10pm, Davie between Richards and Seymour.

Thursday next, Lafflines, 8:30pm, New Westminster right by Columbia Station.


Bissett off more than you can chew?

The titles to these things really only mean anything to me.

Apparently, I've been slacking off on the blog entries. Apparently, I have some dedicated readers who want me to keep up. Apparently, I am the only thing in the sad workday lives of my peers that keeps their chins up. (Right)

Had to slow down a bit after the Fringe Festival ended. Except that I didn't. There was the Beastie Boys, which you heard about, and working, and going to lots of comedy nights, and another show in Bellingham, and Sketch in Time last night.

Work was a tiny bit thin this week, Rocking Monday, but Tuesday and Wednesday left something to be desired in the earnings department. Hoping my car holds out for a little while longer before I have to take the clanky old thing in. Seriously, it now sounds so bad that strangers in the street are stopping and looking at me when I drive by. I think the muffler is banging around down there. Plus, it's burning oil like it was a field in Iraq...(remember the Gulf War?)...and I think the brakes need to be looked at, but I'm not sure because the possible squeaking is drowned out by the banging. Yeesh. I wish I had a barterable trade, you know, like cutting hair or something. Some beads and blankets to trade for mechanical work.

Show in Bellingham this week was good, but weird. The group on before us was...um...not good, to put it gently. Like a bad cable access/Fringe show. A really bad one. It put the backstage area into a weird mood. The audience still loved us, for crying out loud how could they not, but we definitely had a focus problem. Bit of a chaotic show for us. But good, too, on the learning curve. We're really getting a chance to hone this format in an arena that's so safe and warm. It's a pleasure to be playing for such large audiences, and ones who really want to be there, who came to see a show. I'm glad we're not trying to figure out what works and what doesn't in front of ten half drunk people who have no hockey to watch so came out to drink and didn't know they were getting improv. You know, your typical Vancouver crowd. We're starting some talks about getting a space and sharing it with another company or two, so that we have a theatre that is dedicated to improv/sketch/standup...somewhere that people can remember, instead of them trying to keep track of the names of companies, and find out what venue they'll be at this week. I think people like to have a destination they can count on. Anyway, that's in the chatting stages.

Phil, my stepdad, isn't doing so well this week. Went with Susan, his wife, to Parksville to try to have a little vacation, but got quite sick almost immediately. They passed a sleepless and scary night and turned around and came home. He's spending the day in the hospital getting antibiotics and a platelet transfusion, and he's pretty whacked out. His blood sugars are all messed up, so that makes him pretty foggy. I doubt he'll stay in the hospital, though, because that always makes him sicker. Seems like, at this point, home is just better no matter what the outcome. It's always the most awful when he's in the hospital.

My friend Chad suggested that Jewish Family Services has a sliding scale for counselling, so I think I'm going to look into that. I was thinking I was doing ok without talking to someone, but it's getting kind of confusing again, so a little guidance through this might be just the thing.

I'm going to write some jokes, I think, what with all these comedy shows coming up this week. Again,

Weds, El Cocal
Thurs, Zizanie
Sun, DV8

Yikes. Still nervous, even though improv has been going so well. Although, I did have to introduce our group at Sketch in Time last night, and I did have to go out with a microphone onto the stage by myself at the Arts Club, and I never, never wanted to leave. So there's that I've got going for me. The love, oh, god, the love. I could just subsist on that feeling of standing on the stage having everyone looking at me expectantly. It makes me beam. I realized I can't be an angry comic. Even if I'm mad about stuff. Because as soon as I step out there I'm too damn thrilled with it to be mad. It's so great. So so so great. Mmmmmmm. More.




Giant Microbes

Please, for the love of God....look at this. Ow, my stomach hurts. You all know what you can get me for my birthday.

(I tried to insert this as a proper link, but that didn't work. Afraid you'll have to cut n' paste.)


I am in love with these. I find ebola particularly charming.

By the by....the aforementioned comedy dates are for sure.

Sept 29, El Cocal
Sept 30, Zizanie
Oct 3, DV8

The standup world is about to get rocked....by me....no fat thigh jokes. Seriously. God, I love comedy. And plush microbe dolls.





I had so much fun at the freakin' show tonight. I was old, and I didn't care. I danced my ass off, annoying the 17 year old boring kids behind me. At the end I told them I was old so I could be as dumb as I wanted, and the girl, who was the most bored of anyone in the whole place, sneered at me and said, in a very teenage tone, "I don't care". Then I said they were so quiet during the show, and her boyfriend laughed and obviously started thinking how much more interesting 32 year old women are than his boring girlfriend. I recorded all of Sabotage on my voice memo on my phone, and it sounds like crap but I don't care. Whenever I need a little pick me up in my day I'll just play it back and get happy. What a wicked bunch of guys. Money Mark and Mixmaster Mike kick ass.

Total concert satisfaction.

If at first you fuck it up...well....try. Just try.

Firstly, a bitta bidness:

Upcoming performance dates:

Friday, September 24th at the Upfront Theater in Bellingham, with the Stretch'd Mouth Rascals, Improv

Sunday, September 26th at Sketch in Time at the Arts Club Theatre on Granville Island, with Improv Outlet, Improv

Hopefully (yet to be fully confirmed, but very likely):

Wednesday, September 29th at El Cocal, Standup (Commercial and Parker)

Thursday, September 30th at Zizanie, Standup (7th and Fir)

Sunday, October 3rd at DV8, Standup (Davie and Seymour)

Am working on putting a box on the side of this thing that always has my show dates, but it requires html and that is not my forte.

So, had a totally crazy week, what with working, seeing fringe shows, being in a fringe show and doing shows in Bellingham. I am so impressed with the calibre of work at this year's fringe festival. I can't tell you how many good shows I saw. Seems like every day someone talked about something new that you just "had" to see. Remarkable. Had some pretty good schmooze time, too. My advice to you? When the Pick of the Fringe starts this week, go see Cactus and Father's Day. And, if you ever EVER hear of the Back Kitchen Release Party or Plentiful playing somewhere, go see them, too, because they were wonderful and more wonderful.

I drove all over hell's half acre today, delivering flowers, and, while driving back, had a rather emotional conversation with my popster. I think I have been neglecting my family of late, and what the hell good is life if you let your family slide away? Time to reorganize my priorities. I think here is a good place to point something out. Now, most of you already know this, because you know I talk about Phil so much, but I think he doesn't know this enough. He is an enormous part of why I'm good at being funny and fast, and my undying love for improv and comedy. I trundled along with him at a very early age to watch late night Theatresports at City Stage, back in the early eighties. A deep love of storytelling, teamwork, wit, and brains was instilled in me, and I remember having such great conversations with him about the art form. It seems to me that we had a very nice relationship surrounding writing and performing as I was growing up, but somewhere along the way that connection kind of short circuited. I think that I never felt like my work could live up to his. I mean, it's kind of intimidating to have parents who are geniuses at what they do. It's only now that I'm really developing my confidence in my skills as a writer, comedian and theatre artist, and, surely, I owe so much of my talent in no small way to my parents. In particular, I believe that so much of my understanding of comedy and improv come from my dad, Phil. (Listen, other parents, you'll get your own damn blog entries later, I don't wanna hear any complaints).

The funny thing is, no matter how much he tells me that he wants to be part of my work process, I still have this weird thing that I want things to be perfect when they land on his doorstep. You know how you want your parents to be proud. I want him to see that he has been so deeply ingrained in me, that it's like he's with me all the time when I'm working. I'm going to make more of an effort to include him in my process, even though I will feel quite nervous and naked about it at first. These things take some getting used to.

Why does it seem easier to say/write these things thinking they are just going off into the ether than to just say them right to him? My brain gets in my way sometimes, I think.

Anyway, Phil, I love you.

Now, I'm going to the Beastie Boys. Dance, dance!



Rain, Weird Dreams

So much damned rain. Good thing I'm making rigatoni, I love rigatoni. I'd love it more if there was sunshine.

I had the funniest dream the other night. Well, I thought it was funny. I was having this affair with Ryan Stiles, and it was really hot and everything, very sexy part of the dream, and we were making out and all naked and stuff when he leaps out of bed and runs naked into the yard screaming at the neighbour to get his stuff off Ryan's lawn, and I can hear him yelling about the junk creeping onto his lawn when I realize he's yelling, "Goddammit, Joe Flaherty, I'm sick of your garbage on my lawn!". Yep, that's right. I dream of Canadian Comedy.

I am in this fringe show tonight, tomorrow night, the next night and the night after that. It's raining and raining and I've had the two busiest days yet delivering flowers, it's crazy at the store because of Rosh Hashanah, (the Jewish New Year). So now all I want to do is curl up with my book and some tea and not go anywhere. Eh, it'll be fun. Gotta go dress like a lesbian now!



Gorilla Theatre

Hello, lovely friends, (and strangers, too, apparently!)

Here's how it shakes down today. Have had a remarkable week. It is very important that off the bat I thank some people.

Tallulah Winkelman, Tom Jones, Jeff Gladstone, Ryan Gladstone and Bruce Horak.

What a crew! We played as the Stretch'd Mouth Rascals this past weekend in Bellingham, at the Upfront Theatre. We arrived to food and drink, and were put up in a nice hotel, felt very special. We did two hour and a half shows back to back Friday and Saturday night and were greeted with full houses each show, and of warm and enthusiastic audiences to boot. People even recognized us on the street on Saturday and thanked us, for they felt starved for good entertainment. It was all a bit heady, frankly. Strangers hugged us after shows! Come on, Vancouver, step up to the plate!

The format for our improvised shows was wonderful, thanks to Keith Johnstone and Loose Moose in Calgary for ever having conceived of it. Very satisfying for both players and audiences, as there are built in conventions that make it fun for everyone to fail.

Sheila, Leslie, DK, JK, Tim....and all who work there...thank you for the care and feeding of us, and for the invitations to return. Truly, this was a wonderful experience.

Good grief, it has just begun to rain with purpose. I think I'll stay inside a little longer today. Reading an excellent book, anyway, Under the Banner of Heaven, by John Krakauer. All about murder and mayhem in the Mormon Church. Very, very addictive. Not to mention that everything I want to wear is in the dryer. So, in lieu of going out in pants that are too tight, or naked, I'll wait around for that to finish.

Hey, it's the Fringe Festival and I have a couple of recommendations. Please do yourself a favour and get your butt to Father's Day. A truly gorgeous show. Also, Patti Fedy in...The Hunt, is, as expected, lovely and charming and funny. That Emelia Symington-Fedy, she is something else.

Plus, I'm in a show Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights at the Lick Club at 455 Abbott Street downtown. It's called Good Morning Gaytown. Come see!

Then, once you've seen a show, come find me in the Fringe Club, where I always am. Flirting like there was no tomorrow. Why not see for yourself? It's quite a show. Heh.



Points of interest

Listen, I have lots to tell. Seriously. But I'm very sleepy. So, in the mean time, I'd like to just let you all know, (all three of you who read this), that I have a few things coming up that really, really excite me.

One...this coming Friday and Saturday night I will be in Bellingham with Jeff Gladstone, Tom Jones (Vancouver's own, lest there be a mixup), and Tallulah Winkelman improvising our little hearts out as The Stretch Mouthed Rascals. We have two shows per night, each well over an hour, at the Upfront Theater, 1208 Bay Street. Owned by Ryan Stiles, by the way. Coool. Anyway, we've been working on a very fun format, not conceived by us, but borrowed and with a dash of us tossed in the mix, and we're all looking forward to playing our tushes off.

Two...for four glorious nights, Sept 16-19 at 8pm at LICK club at 455 Abbott street in Vancouver, I will be appearing in "Good Morning Gaytown", part of the Vancouver Fringe Festival. The darlings Michael V. Smith (Miss Cookie LaWhore) and Morgan Brayton (Daddy Rex Rexington) are the stars and creators and I am honored to have been asked to participate. Plus it makes my hanging out at the Fringe club every night have some legitimacy.

Working on some interesting writing projects with Ian Boothby, as well, who has been kind enough not to be disappointed in my jibber jabbery efforts. What a guy.

I think things are kind of falling into place. Quitting that job was the best thing I ever did.

Plus, Warren called me lovely in his blog, www.livejournal.com/users/talentlessclod and I really liked that.

Tonight I babysat Benjamin Bailly, the best two year old ever. What a wunderkind! Pix to follow soon. So cute, so smart, and the most amazing comic timing. The kid's a wicked good comedian.

Time for sleeping now, but tomorrow I will wax philisophical on the fleeting nature of love and lust and the joy found in work and the connundrum of politics. Etc.



Oh, How Far We've Come

Dear Infidelia,

Why, why, Infidelia, does 90% of my brain seem devoted
solely to dirty thoughts? Why am I consumed by the
sweaty, grunting, moaning possibilities at any given

Oh, let's get serious, I:WP, (you don't mind if I call
you I:WP, do you? It's pronounced "I whip", in case
you were wondering), I don't really care why I'm
incapable of a moment where at least one part of my
brain isn't devoted to wondering what the barista's
fingers would feel like wrapped around my
throat....how many times a day do I fall in love? In
lust? Hundreds. Well, tens, anyway. And you know
something, I:WP, I love myself this way. I am a
dirty, dirty girl. There's no getting around it.

My only real question is this: can a dirty, dirty
girl like me be a one man woman? Can a one woman man
love a girl like me? Stay tuned, I suppose. I still
am. Haven't subscribed to spinsterhood yet, no
siree...but can a slut be a spinster, even if she
never marries? Oh, the questions burn. Like the fire
in my loins.

I eagerly await your advice, I:WP...eagerly, moistly,
excitedly await it. Hurry!