Good job, Blanche.

I love the job. I'm so happy. I had a great day yesterday. Just pick up de flowers and den deliver de flowers. So much left over for other pursuits. (Rrrowrrr, baby, what's your name?)

No, seriously...props up to Lesley and Sarah May for the chain reaction, so happy to be working again.

Anyway, yesterday my whole car smelled like flowers all day. They do really nice work at this joint. One time the address was wrong, so that was fun, but I'm pretty smart, so I tracked the right one down. Logic, you see. Another time the elevator in the building was broken and the delivery was on the 10th floor. Yup, 20 flights of stairs later...the lady felt bad and tipped me 4 bucks. I was laughing so much by the time I got to the top...I don't know, it just seemed so funny. It was one tiny orchid and I had to go up all these stairs, like it was an emergency, or something. The laughing made me have to stop at the 9th floor for a minute, winded. I mean, the combination of the laughing and the realizing that I am waaaay out of shape. I knew that, but I was avoiding situations that would make it glaringly obvious. No longer. Probably a good thing.

Then, the last delivery of the day was out to Crescent Beach. Damn, so pretty out there. But then it meant I had to come back into town at 4 on a Friday afternoon. It took almost 2 HOURS (are you listening???) to get back into Vancouver. So, at 3:30 I was thrilled with the job, by 5:30 I was pret-ty cran-ky. Which I later took out on someone who didn't deserve it, so that was nice of me.

I'm keeping the job, though, traffic and all, because I can dress however I want, and I hardly have to talk to anyone, and I can listen to music all day, and, actually, the exercise of running all over the place is prrret-ty prrret-ty gude.

I'm going to get a haircut. So there.



Who wears short shorts?

Gots me a job, yo. Deliverin' the flowers to the peeps what ordered 'em, or the peeps what didn't, but what the other peeps, the first group of peeps, ordered 'em for the second group of peeps, what will be surprised by them, the flowers, not the first group of peeps...ah, crap.

That's me in the Tercedes, rockin' out, makin' people smile. Don't have to cowtow, or answer phones or dress up or pander to any minionesses. But do get to have fresh flowers in my car smellin' the joint up all purty like. Plus, me n' my pally who also works there are going to kind of job share. Very convenient.

I like-a work-a. Me happy.

Anybody else want to give me any work? Like, stage managing? That's what I'll be looking for while I drive them bloomin' things around.

Oh, and, hopefully playing tonight in the improv show. And, a little guest spot in a fringe show. And maybe some other tricks up my sleeve, things I cannot speak of here...all will be revealed.



Napoleon Dynamite

If you haven't seen this movie yet....GO. Run, do not walk. Oh, my, GOD it was funny. Such attention to detail, both in the direction and the performances. Amazing characterization. It's nearly impossible to think of these actors as anything but the characters they portrayed. Blah blah. What are you doing still reading this? Go see the movie. For serious. I can't emphasize this enough.

After seeing Napoleon Dynamite I felt very surreal, like all things I knew to be true were at once proven and disproven. This is a strange state to walk around in. I had to make myself a very plain dinner and watch very plain television to ground myself...but when that didn't work I wrote comedy instead.

Speaking of which, I want you all to know that in September it is my plan to get back on the ol' comedy train and start performing regularly again. I will post all my show dates and times here so you can check 'em out. If you know about this journal. If you don't, you're not here right now so the hell with ya.

Have I mentioned that my little brother rocks the mike? I just wanted to say that. He's awesome. I think you all know that about the Jesse. THE Jesse. There is no other Jesse like him. Anywhere. He makes me laugh and cry and think and wrassle. The kid's got spunk. He also loved Napoleon Dynamite. I think people like us really relate to the lead. So nerdy, so loveable, so cocky.

I am now off to email some resumes, cull my book collection, (selling stuff!!), set up my 'puter and make a writing nook downstairs, take out the recycling and do the dishes. Oh, right, shower and go see Bourne Supremacy. Plus I might see if Warren is available for hilarity this afternoon. Then I think I'll go to the Urban Well to watch the excellent improvisors there. Maybe even talk about gettin' on stage there in Sept. Hm. I better focus. That might be two days worth of things to do.

Oh, yeah. I watched Siobhan defend her thesis today. Woohoo, Shoone!! I am so proud. She made a powerpoint presentation and the last page of it was her thank yous and I was on it. I couldn't figure out why, but then Ginnie pointed out to me that were Team Moral Support. Siobhan is soooo cool and smart. I am lucky and grateful to be friends with her. She has awesome hair.



The Beach is Beck...

...and she even does impressions!

Yep, apparently I do a pretty good George Dubya. Read on.

Oh, I'm so excited right now! After tonight's Swordplay show, (which you should see, if I haven't already made that clear), I played in the FREE improv show directly following. It is the first time I have performed as an improvisor for a couple of years and it was AWESOME!! I have been reluctant to get back up there and do it because my parting experiences with the form were less than friendly. I sort of had all my good improv qualities beat out of me, but now I feel like I'm back to where I like to be with it. It helped that I was playing with great improvisors that I really admire, it made me feel supported, like I could trust that no matter what happened someone would be there to catch me. As it turns out, they didn't have to. I'm going to do it again very soon. So watch this space for upcoming dates and times!!

Mmmmm....I'm going to have such a good sleep.

Thank you Diana, Penelope, Roger, Nick and Ian for a sweet little reunion with a long lost love.




So I'm stage managing this hilarious show. So far, only a few people I know have shown up to see it. It is sooooo worth your time. A little escape of laughter. So good for your soul.

I reiterate: www.swordplaytheplay.com

Weds, Thurs, Fri, Sat until Aug. 28th. 8pm. Playwright's Theatre Centre on Granville Island.

Plus, there's a free improv show afterwards, if you are so inclined. Go to the website, find the details, see my picture.


ps - if anyone has any stage managing or production managing work for me, that'd be excellent. I'm back on the freelancing train!

Graham Clark Eats Graham Crackers! Film at eleven!

I'm trying to write this right now, but the computer is next to someone who is sleeping on our couch, so I'm trying to type quietly. This is a very difficult task. I may need to type in some kind of shorthand code.

Soon need thing room boy sleeps. Sneak. No wake. Nice boy. No wake.

Nope, leaving out words doesn't help.

Ok, sneaking in there now for thing I need. TV is in there, too, dammit. Now I'm going to have to read, or something. Oh, reading's for nerds!


Special shout out to my main man GC, hosterly with the mosterly, duuuude!



I've been reading some random blogs. At first I got a little freaked out because it seemed like all the blogs I was reading had the same style of writing and same content as mine!! Ack. This led me to think I was unoriginal, which, I suppose I am, though I hate admitting I'm not special. But then it got me thinking I was normal, and not koo koo bananas, which made me happy again. Until I realized that that meant I had to get things done and not hide behind the skirts of being unstable as some sort of excuse for doing whatever the hell I please. I'm still going to do whatever the hell I please, though I suppose I'll take SM's advice to heart and start making preparations for the time when I don't get away with murder, when it all comes crashing down.

I digress.

Then, the more blogs I read, the more I realized were boring and annoying. How, how will I keep this from becoming that?

Any suggestions? My huge audience? I think there are one or two of you out there. Maybe just the one. Fitz. God bless Fitz.

I'm going to go email my resume to some people now. In pdf format, if you can believe it. Oh, Adobe, how did we ever live without you?

Buy Canadian!! Shop Le Chateau!!



I'm becoming a cat person.

Sleepy Plimp 2
Sleepy Plimp 2,
originally uploaded by aktnir.
Our house during the day. Sometimes it's the cat...sometimes me or Chris. But you get the general idea. Ahhhh.

Poor Plimp has such a rough life. She caroused last night until 6am, fighting with neighbourhood cats...if you knew Plimp and what a fraidycat she is, you'd know how hilarious it is that she stayed out all night. Usually jumps when you reach for the remote control.


I'm pretty sure we're being tested...

I have said it before and I'll say it again...George W. Bush is the dumbest jackass ever. I just watched he and Laura interviewed by Larry King. It was shocking, really, and I can't believe I still get shocked by the purity of his dumbness, but I do, and so it was. Please, please, please, if you can find the footage, watch it. Not one comedy writer I know could come up with anything funnier.

Oh, God, make it stop.



The healing properties of chanting and also more on Minioness of Evil and evilness of money.

I have lost my power to see into the future and have become the world's worst straight man. That's it, now I'm going to have to be funny ALL the time!! Oh, God, the pressure!! Ok. Settle down. You can do it. You've been through low comedy times before, and you've always bounced back. Maybe if there was chanting...ok, on 3 everyone chant "Fuh-NEE! Fuh-NEE!" 1....2.....3....GO!! Oh, I can hear you, I can! I'm Tinkerbell, coming back to life! Woohoo!

Ok, I know I said I gave two weeks notice, but then, the night before last, I couldn't sleep and walked around for hours, thinking I was certifiable, (everyone thinks they're crazy, right? RIGHT??), and I had a realization. I'm immobilized when people are mean to me. I completely don't have a set of coping skills for malicious behaviour. I just feel like a kid again, when Diana and Laura stole my 10 speed bike that I bought my own self with money I earned, a bike I bought in Ontario and managed to get all the way back to Vancouver, AND it was red. Anyway, they stole it and threw it in a dumpster. I never, ever understood behaviour like that, and to this day it just stymies me.

Anyway, I was up all night, afraid of my own possible retaliatory actions if I set foot in the office again, so I called and that's that. Of course I'm panicking. What kind of head up my asser do you think I am? I know it was rash, I know the future implications and ramifications, even though some people think I don't think about these things, I do. I just can't weather the poison, and certainly, especially not these days. So in the interest of self preservation...

Although, to be perfectly honest, I haven't exactly detensed. You know that Rheostatics song where the lyrics are "I'm feeling really down, today, I'm feeling like I'm owing money..."...well, that about describes it. Of course, I AM owing money, and that's part of it. I hate money. I suppose if I loved money I'd attract it, but I can't stand the stuff. It just ruins everything. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like having it, I just hate getting other people involved in any way. This has been a looooooooong learning curve for me, and I have a looooooooooooooooong way to go. I have other good qualities, I hope, to balance it out. I wish it wasn't the deciding factor, though.

Oh, for the love of Pete, (I do love Pete, I do!), I have gotten into full blown whining. Ich.

Stay tuned for installments on money and love and God and birthday party detritus.



photo finish

and this, too
and this, too,
originally uploaded by Infidelia.
just testing how this whole posting photos to your blog thing works. keeping my fingers crossed because there seems to be a lot of steps.

I'm about to push "post entry"....here goes...any second...

9 days and counting

Monday morning. Mmmm. Monday. Can't you feel the Monday?

Ian says I should write about things I find funny or things that piss me off in this blog. I can see his point. Those are kind of the things that people like to read about, right? It's no good complaining, or making laundry lists. Although, it's kind of interesting to look at people's lists. I like knowing what people find important to write down. For instance:

Things to do today:

-Loan Morgan car
-Be at work and look present
-Write in blog (Hey!! Lookit me go!!)
-Email dad
-Go to Ian's office and pick up the cd's for the sound cues for Swordplay, the brilliant show you are all going to come and see because it's healthy to laugh your tush off.
-Solidify date for Shoone's birthday party, then invite people.
-Look into Shoone's present..(ha, you'd like it if I put down what it is, wouldn't you, Siobhan, you sly devil)
-Practice banjo (honestly)


The best thing is that I'm going to get back to comedy, and the material I've gathered at this job...oooh, people should be careful with me or they'll find themselves on the sharp end of a pointy joke. Hee hee hee hee.

Please go to swordtheplay.com and find out where you need to be...



Quitter's Remorse

Ooooh, I feel sort of sick. This isn't the victory I was hoping for!! Maybe once I'm sure I have a new job I'll settle these roiling stomach acids.

On a different note, I saw, accompanied by the lovely Miss Georgia and accidentally the dashing Mr. Adam, La Dolce Vita. Yes, the Fellini classic. Um....I was bored. Ok, not every second, because it's very beautiful, and written with truth and poetry, and the performances are gorgeous...yet....bored. It may be Fellini's tendency to not tell a story and to shed characters like he would shed a tuxedo on prom night. Anyway, I can tick it off my list. I'd like to own the DVD and watch individual scenes whenever I felt like it. Kind of like reading anything Milan Kundera has written. (Oh, lookit me show off my smarties).

It rains and rains. Lovely. Ironically, the best time to have outdoor fires....in an Alanis Morisette kind of sense of ironic.



Last Day

Oh, yeah. My last day is two weeks from today. Heh. Drinks, anyone?



So...it wasn't just me. Apparently the girl before me had the same complaint, but they didn't listen to her because she was an idiot (their word). I feel vindicated and have quit. My stomach is feeling much better, and my neck muscles seem to be untensing.

My mother is going to kill me.



It might just be me.

That's right. Maybe I have a bad attitude. After all, I've been feeling like a petulant teenager lately, perhaps I've been radiating teen angst vibes to those situated closest to me in the office. All I really know is that I can't take it swirling around in my brain much longer. Motion, I need motion! Someone kick me in the ass, please. Right in the tushy!

I swear, funny stories will appear here magically soon enough.

Mothers shouldn't pick fights with their children over the phone when their children are at work. Am I right?


Already dry, the rain.

I'm feeling a bit embarassed about the self indulgent nature of this thing. Will get over that shortly, no doubt. Am now completely confused about what to do with my life at work. I need a guidance counselor. Everyone I want to talk to at work about my work problem is on vacation, leaving me feeling like chewing off my leg to get out of the trap.

Is there some kind of rule about being cheerful in a blog? Cause if there is, I'm fucking breaking it. Cause I'm such a badass. A badass blogger. So very, very badass.


Festival Express

Just saw Festival Express. Bit thin, but awesome performances. The train seemed very familiar to me somehow. Made me feel again, as I seem to most days, the incredible luck I've had to have been around the Caravan Farm Theatre and all of it's accompanying magic.

God bless Rock and Roll. I'm going to think about rock and roll all day tomorrow in order to try to distract myself from all the bile at work. Toxic, my office, for me, at the moment. Somebody I work very closely with appears to hate me and is making my day hell. I don't think I make enough money for it to be hell. So there. Kiss the devil, you minioness of evil! This rock and roll heart will never cave to your passive aggressive acidic bullshit!!

Whew. You'd never know how much love I have in me some days.



Pick a colour, any colour.

Oh, for crying out loud. I'm trying to pick a template for this fresh new blog. Something no one has ever used before in the history of blogging. (I'm already annoyed with all variations on and the root of "blog"). Actually, all I want is to pick some colours I have in mind, then put some pictures on it, then go. I'm sad I'm not as nerdy as I thought I was. Waaaaaaah!

Mmm. Earl Grey Tea. The elixir of the Gods.

Okay, back to colour picking. Any sage words?



So this is blogging.

Well. Well, well. I feel what is perhaps a misguided sense of power. I can already see why people do this. You are reading my words! You are still reading them! You will continue to read them and see how it ends! What if it never ends? Well. Well, well.

It's not out of the realm of possibility that in the future there will be profound and possibly life altering substance in these pages. Having said that, it's also not out of the....well, there might just be dirty jokes.

I am wetting my feet, up to my ankles, say, maybe soon halfway up my calves, then knees, then thighs, then maybe stay put for a bit before my more sensitive areas are exposed to the frigid river of blogging. Splash me and get your ass kicked.

So much love.