I keep logging on to write and then changing my mind. I have felt weird pressure lately with writing this. I think now that I know how many people read it, I can get caught up in worrying about whether it's good writing. Which is the opposite of what was supposed to happen with this blog. Eh, now that I've said it, actually, now that I've started writing this, it doesn't seem like a big deal. I've caught it, now I can move on. I think it's doing something good for me to expose myself like this. Something about spilling your guts and people still wanting to get near you. Like, I was pretty sure for a long time that if anyone knew how dark I was or weird or dirty or whatever, that'd be it. Sayonara crazy lady. But I know better now. Plus, it gets to be a bit much to worry about whether people like you, what with all the other things one tries to keep aloft in one's life. Family, love, death, taxes. The biggies.

I'm a bit itchy to do comedy. I'm not as nice to people and I show off more at parties when I haven't done a set. I'm much more unseemly. Since I figured this out it's been pretty good incentive to keep booking shows. I know if I keep doing the shows, the rest of my life will be much less embarassing. I can just fall right over into badly behaved with hardly any effort whatsoever. Easy as pie....

It's my rock star complex.

God, I want to be famoush. Is that wrong? (I love the word famous with an "h" added, I don't know why. It really funnies it up. Say it...famoush. So drunk!)

peace, love, candy,


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