That's it. I quit. I am so fucking tired of being so fucking poor. I am tired of relying on the kindness of others. I am tired of having a job and still being poor. My fucking phone got cut off today because I had to spend $700 on the fucking car this week. Fuck. I don't know how to do what I'm doing. I can see a clear path to success with my comedy, with writing, but in the interim I feel defeated and useless. I am doing so many shows, and working as much as I can, I can't use any more of my time because I will collapse. I need to sleep and eat. More useless stupid job days mean less comedy time. Which means less likely to succeed any time soon. I want to hit something.
I am so fucking frustrated that no one has answers for me. I was led to believe that grownups knew what the fuck was going on, but, apparently, this is untrue. Apparently I AM a grownup now and should be able to figure this out. HA! I am an idiot. Just last month I had a conversation with my roommates about being more reliable with rent, and now I'm looking down the barrel at not having it on time AGAIN. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Why is it not satisfying to say fuck fuck fuck as many times as possible.
I had a mediocre set at El Cocal last night and I'm sure it's because I'm so fucking preoccupied with not knowing what the fuck to do. I have two shows tonight and I have very little faith that either of them is going to be any better. Fuck.
Does anyone have any fucking answers for me? Fuck.