Buddy, can you spare a....moment of tenderness?

I have realized I'm straight up sad. That's all there is to it. So I'm just going to be sad for a while. That's kind of a warning to everyone. I'm going to be quiet and sleep lots and read books about adults who've lost a parent.

I'm going to start right now by going downstairs to lie down in my cozy little hovel. Maybe I'll read something, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just lie on my back and lace my fingers together behind my weary head and pretend I'm six and I don't have to be anywhere, ever.

I worked for many, many hours today, drove everywhere, including Maple Ridge, (finally saw Fort Langley AND took the Albion ferry, for which there was a one hour wait), and accidentally answered the phone when someone I like called and burst into tears.

I am sort of starting to understand why people couple. Some days I just want to come home to someone who will stroke my hair and hold me without having to be asked. I'm starting to tire of panhandling for kindness. God, I'm so pathetic today. Who wants to stroke my hair and kiss my forehead and tell me I'm pretty? See? It's just like asking for spare change.

You know what cheers me up? Driving in the HOV lane.



I'm funnier than THAT guy.

I. Don't. Know. What. To. Write. Today.

So here goes.

I have a new tattoo. It is awesome. And as soon as we find some batteries for the digital camera, I will post a photo of it. I love it. Like, totally love it. It's like, so totally rock n' roll. And since I have lived a "Rock n' Roll Sex Party" lifestyle, (says Warren, who is jealous), it is very fitting. It has some very special meaning to me, um, duh, I hope so, that I don't think is important to go into. Sufficed to say it has to do with a certain freedom that has settled over me, and letting things go, and understanding things, and the putting into practice several years of theory. Mhm, I remain enigmatic. Yeah, soooooooooooo mysterious.

Oh, for Pete's sake. (Not YOU, Pete!) I gotta go to bed. Here I was thinking that I was so damned clever that I could sit down without a thought in my head and write something really winning. Obviously, I am not fully recovered and still need to sleep 11 hours a night. When will the evil sickness finally pass?

Oh, by the way, I'm home now. In case anyone was all sick with worry and had been waiting up for me all these weeks. Go to sleep now...I'm here!!

Back to the city. It's very discombobulating. I don't know why I feel like I've been away for months and months, but I do. I'm having a very difficult time getting my head back in the game. I was wandering up and down Commercial Drive today, looking at things, and I felt like I hardly recognized the place. My brain, I think, is elsewhere. Wish I could find it.

I've been writing some jokes, and I think they're pretty funny. So I'll be getting back up on stage soon, because I'm an idiot and a loser if I don't. That's all there is to it. The world needs funny women. Well, the world has funny women, it just needs us to be out there doing it for public consumption. I don't know, I think it's women's turn to run things again. We couldn't possibly fuck it up any worse than the men have. Have you seen the latest Christian Right nonsense? They hate Spongebob Squarepants for being gay!! GAY!! Oh, help us, Lord, to guide these minions of evil to the light. The true light, where we keep our pointy noses out of everyone's bidness. Do we not have enough to worry about in our own lives that we have to try to run everyone else's, too? God, I don't have time to preach, what with trying to feed and house myself and make people laugh.

Oh, geez....I made a lovely dinner tonight, heavy on the garlic, and now I have really garlicky burps. Aren't you happy you read this today?

Boys, by the way, as much as I love them, are nothing but trouble. I love them. Trouble.



Frio. Not caliente. Frio.

I just want you all to know that it is -23.33333 degrees celcius here right now. That's -10 farenheit for you 'Mericans. Are you aware how cold that is? It is ice on the INSIDE of the windows cold. It is snot freezing cold. It is too cold for the DOG to stay outside and bark at things all night, her most favorite thing in the world. Unfortunately for the dog, she did not grow her regular winter coat this season, since it was so warm for so long. She grew one, then she shed it like spring. Poor darling. So now she goes out in the snow and turns right around and gets let back in. And the cats are so bored from being inside and not hunting or running around that they are either asleep or pouncing on each other. It's pretty funny, watching the animals try to keep themselves entertained. The cats wait around the corner from each other and pretty much jump out and yell boo while swatting each other around the head. Actually, it keeps us entertained, too.

I'm off to try to get the dizziness cured tomorrow, wish me luck. I feel moderately less pukey today, so that makes me hopeful. Plus, I seem to be a bit zippy. Possibly cabin fever. Getting excited to get back to the city and doing things. Plus, I had a really cool chat with my mum tonight about getting grants for doing projects, taking workshops and writing shows. I'm all antsy to do fun things. Wheeee! Hoping my trapeze artist buddy wants to take me training with her. Best way to get strong fast. Hard hard hard work, but very rewarding and then you're on a trapeze!!!!!! Are you people hearing what I'm saying here? ON A TRAPEZE!! I love my life. No kidding.



Back soon...promise.

I was supposed to be back in Vancouver long ago but have been seriously waylaid by my own body, which, at first, seemed as if it was betraying me, but, upon further examination, it seems it is trying to move me forward by keeping me still. Make sense yet? No?

Here's the thing. Had a very wild New Year's eve, more to follow later, ask me about the LUGE! Woke up New Year's day with a deadly hangover, soon to be recognized as a full blown terrible cold. Had travelled through everyone at the Caravan and I thought I had cleverly escaped it, but no such luck. I stayed awake for a full hour and a half that day, before retreating to the comfort of chicken soup and bed at my mummy's house. Had to go back to work on the 2nd, and then just collapsed. Spent several days in bed, sick sick sick, then, just as it seemed I might start to mend, my back went into spasms. So painful, couldn't walk, or sit, or anything. I started to cry and couldn't stop and felt the long awaited expulsion of grief. Heaving sobs and pools of snot, very dramatic. And necessary. Didn't stop the back pain, though, and I've been in bed since.

Had a little massage therapy yesterday, and the man worked some magic, so I'm mobile today, but now feeling kind of nauseous all the time. Weird. Especially right after eating and while driving. Which doesn't bode well for the hours long drive back to the city. I've decided that being in the company of my sainted mother is the best thing for me right now and will just stay still until we collectively decide travel is a good idea. I'm seeing my miracle worker cranio sacral guy tomorrow, and know that he will fix me up but good.

I was supposed to get a tattoo today, but my guy says the nausea needs to pass first, so looks like Friday for that. For sure I'm not going back to the city without it, though.

Dizzy...so dizzy...it's a bit disconcerting. My mechanic is convinced that if I don't see a doctor the cold will turn into menengitis and I'll die, because it happened to a friend of his. Hmph. Not this girl. You're all stuck with me for a long time.

Just like to say that Warren Banks rules, and he should get that sexy tattoo...we talked for nearly three hours on the phone last night, so teenaged, and I've decided to keep him. He's rad.

Things to tell you about the past few weeks:

-Lugeing and the fallout of hurtling yourself facefirst down an icy track on an inner tube at 3 in the morning drunk drunk drunk....bit of a spectacular crash. Jeremy's fault.

-Being serenaded...not once but twice....

-The New Year's eve cabaret and my hosterly duties thereof.

-Sleighride and carol singing on x-mas day, especially the hilarious miniature pony in with a field of thoroughbreds.

-Rekindled relationship with my wonderful dog.

-The lesson of beauty coming from within.

-Snow to my knees.

-My birthday.

-Firsts: Chanukah without dad, my birthday without dad, xmas without dad, dad's birthday without dad.....wonder why my back is out.....

-Shotgunning, and the promise to learn to drive a team of horses. Buster and Barney, my new Belgian boyfriends.

It's been an amazing time. Detoxing now....gearing up for a rainy couple of months, though should be full of interesting work, and maybe romance, and maybe not. Huh.

Be kind, receive love....



UPCOMING SHOWS - revised 01/09


Cage match....more info www.instanttheatre.com

My team, called "Math", which consists of me, Penelope Corrin and Tom Jones, performs January 18th and 27th, 8pm, at Havana on Commercial Drive. Come out and see the shows and vote for us so we can go to the finals.

Trying to book standup shows again, (Murray...), so stay tuned.