Downtown and Me

Hey, guys.

I haven't written. I know. You've forgotten. But here I am.

The reason I am writing tonight, after so so so many events in my life, personally and professionally, and so many events in my community, my country, my world....after so many events have occurred and I have not written about them here...the reason I am writing tonight is thus:

I was driving a friend home tonight, taking the downtown route from Kitsilano to Gastown, and we took Powell street to get there. Downtown Vancouver on a weekend night is a shitshow, I realize. I never, ever venture downtown on weekends unless absolutely necessary, specifically to avoid the possibility of gratuitous confrontation.

So, we are driving down Powell street and somewhere between Abbott and Columbia this thing happens. The street is packed with traffic. Lots of taxis, lots of people. I am in the left hand lane, Powell is a one way street. These two normal looking people, a man and a woman, are waiting on the street side of the parked cars to dash across the road to the nightclub across from them. We all do that, right? Wait to jaywalk by the parked cars. No problem. So I'm watching them, because I am totally not into hitting a pedestrian, seeing as how I am one most of the time. The woman starts to step out in front of my car, sort of hesitantly, so I honk, so she knows not to do it, because it will end disastrously for both of us. I honk. Not aggressively, just a short one, so she sees me. The boyfriend kicks or punches the car and starts yelling obscenities.

Okay. I have this thing, when situations heat up I like to diffuse them. It may be misguided, but I don't want that guy all keyed up and getting even more drunk and kicking the shit out of his girlfriend later, or yelling obscenities at the wrong person and getting himself knifed or shot. So, the traffic is sort of crawling and stopped at a red light anyway, so I decide to say something to the guy. I am calm and my tone is low and light. Which does, I'll admit, occasionally inflame the already irrationally incensed type of person. However, the friend I'm with, who's a bit of a loose cannon herself, starts yelling back at the guy. So then he comes back to the car and she's leaning out the window, yelling, swearing, and he's yelling and swearing back, and I just want him to know that I honked so I wouldn't kill his girlfriend, but he and now a new guy across the street are screaming, calling us fucking ugly cunts, telling us to get fucked....I was sort of lost for a minute, or my hand would have clamped down over my friend's mouth before she got word one out, but as it was it took me a minute to do so and the confrontation escalated to where I was scared of these guys.

It hits me sometimes, what an idealist I am. I like to think I can talk to anyone. And you know what? I usually can. After I told my friend she could never, ever yell at anyone like that out of my car window again, I dropped her off. I went back around and drove past the club again, vibrating with anger and fear and adrenaline and such severe sadness for what has happened to humanity. I don't know why I went back, I wanted to talk to the people, to the girl, and just calm everyone down. But I drove by, and the sidewalk was lined with people puking and yelling and jostling in line, so I kept going and came home, restless and sad.

I suppose it took me so off guard because I have encased myself in this little Obama bubble for the last few days. I have been so hopeful and excited and surprised and deeply moved by his election, and I guess I knew that to bask in the glow I would have to stay home. There is no going out in the world and noticing anything different.

I am so frustrated with people here not caring. No manners, no compassion, no thought for anything beyond getting drunk, getting high, getting even, getting fucked, getting fucked up. Cocaine and booze fueled thrills and damn the torpedoes. This insane sense of entitlement and anger about....God knows what the anger is about. PMS. Poor Me Syndrome.

Anyway, I am listening to the Talking Heads and Elvis Costello and trying to calm down. All this opening up to the world and being truthful and sensitive and having values and ideals....it just leads to heartache. But, you know what? I like it this way. I can not stand around and let my neighbours and countrymen fall irretrievably into apathy and spitefulness. There must be a way to inject compassion and kindness, mindfulness and engagement into the people. There just has to be.

Mostly I just feel so sad. There is all this potential in people, and they can't see it in themselves. How do I help them see it?

I had a tiny revenge fantasy that one of the guys, I remember their faces well, would show up in the audience at one of my shows and I would get to tell the whole audience that he was the guy who called me a fucking cunt and told me to get fucked. Sigh.

That's what happened tonight. I'm going to go write a song about it. I can't calm down. Maybe I'll watch "The Pianist" or "Dancer in the Dark" or "Big Fish". None of which I've seen and all of which will apparently make me cry. Or maybe I'll go for a run. It's been a long time, but I could see that calming me down. Now....where did I put my iPod?

That's me.

With love,




Things are thus: I had the most intense summer. I was pretty low after getting laid off, whilst in mourning for my dear friend. But then, you know what? I just played music. I played and played. It has been so amazing. Recently another friend passed away, (what the deuce is going on in the world?!), and many around me are shell shocked. She was my age. A gorgeous, vibrant, smart, engaged woman. With the most incredible attitude, right to the last. Both my friends that died this summer were people who never took a moment for granted, who sunk their teeth into anything and everything they could, always richer for the experience. And always grateful for their time on Earth and with their people.

Where, you may well wonder, am I going with this?

Just here. I have no more time for second guessing or being afraid. I have been performing my songs quite a bit, and I think getting better. I bought a pretty little guitar I like with some of my severance pay from the job loss. I am taking guitar lessons from my friend Kevin House. It's the most joyful thing, to be spending time every day playing music. I can't believe this is my life. It is wonderful and magical. And a teeny bit scary, but that's okay, too. I played two shows at the Comedy Festival that just ended. I was booked for two nights, doing two songs each night, on the Rockomedy Show. I shared the stage with some of my most revered comics in North America. It was an honour, and totally glorious. I killed it, I mean really really killed it, and some pretty incredible momentum has come out of it. At least, my own internal momentum has picked up. I want to keep the movement happening so I am on the hunt for representation, booking a trip to LA in November, (got a free WestJet ticket, but that's a funny story for another time), and am making two music videos. The LA trip is because I can, because I have so many excellent friends there, because it's warm, and I'm hoping to be able to tack on some shows by rallying the fellas I met from there while they were here at the Comedy Fest.

The videos. I have asked my dear friend James to direct videos for two of my songs. (You gotta hear the newest one, "The Communist Love Song", it's my punk rock anthem.) We are aiming for getting it done quickly, but makin' 'em good. I am still thrilled at the idea of making a whole album, of course writing is taking a bit of time.

I was not allowed to film the comedy festival shows, festival rules or whatevs, but I do have this low quality video of me performing the week before the fest. The sound is not great, but it's proof that this crazy thing is actually happening.


Well, you guys. Well. Pretty chuffed over here.



Is That MY Voice???

It has been soooo long since I wrote here. I got all backed up and then the more backed up I got the less inclined I was to write because of the backlog of information and then where to begin....

I have two songs now, that I have written, that I sing, that I play on guitar. I wrote the lyrics and the music. The songs are funny. The titles are thus: "You Gotta Be A Bit Bad", and "Communist Love Song". Though dates are not set for recording them, I am in the process of writing more so that I can record an album. CD. Podcast. Whatever. It's pretty exciting. At the risk of sounding trite, I believe I have found my voice. Performing songs is, without a doubt, the most amazing time I have ever had on stage. And I think that's really saying something, because I have had some amazing times on stage. I'm quite thrilled, really, to be so into it. I got my guitar for my 11th birthday, took lessons for a little while, and have remained at about the same skill level since I was twelve. Now I practice every day because I love it so much and you know what? I'm getting better! Practicing is improving my skill level! Who knew.

I'm really glad I have this in my life now, because along with riding my bike, (have I told you about my bike? Her name is Norma Jean. I'll post pix when I get home to my own computer. She's amazing.), along with riding my bike, playing the guitar saves my life. These are two things I can count on to bring me peace and pleasure. Good thing, too, because the summer of '08 has been a most challenging one. Well, it was the best summer ever right up 'til mid July. That's when Harry died. I'll devote another post to Harry, when I'm ready, but there is quite a void where he used to be. Broken hearts all around. It knocked the wind out of me. Two weeks later, lost my job. Remember how excited I was about getting that job? Well, I got downsized. Our business was pretty dependent on the American economy, and that's not doing so hot, so they couldn't afford to keep me any more. The ending was a bit shifty on their part, let me go with no notice, were douchebaggy about giving me my two weeks severance and now don't want me to apply for EI because they operate in kind of a shady way and my application will likely lead to them getting audited by Canada Revenue. They have been trying every tactic to get me to put the welfare of their company before the welfare of me. Which, by the way, is not a polite thing to do after you have dicked someone around a bit.

So I have applied for EI. First time in my life I've ever done that. Might as well. Same as how I might as well get a lawyer and get ICBC to settle with me, because they are being very, very sleazy indeed about a claim I made last year after I was injured in a car accident. Oooh, I am jumping through bureaucratic hoops like you wouldn't believe. But it's good, because I have always been prone to kind of rolling over and saying fuck it when things got hoopy, and this time I'm just going to be diligent and persevere and take care of things. It actually feels pretty good.

I have been experiencing an intense level of anxiety over all of this for the past few weeks, but I am working in a very focused way to get my breath back and make sure that I am taking good care of myself. With the exception of today when I ate too much peach cobbler at dinner. But I couldn't help it!! The peaches were organic and there were blueberries in there and the topping was all buttery and sugary and oaty....my mum makes the best cobbler. Anyway, if that's the worst thing I do to myself then I'm pretty on top of things.

Looking for work again, have a few interesting irons in the fire, don't want to talk about them until they are up and running or not. My mum says I gotta quit telling everyone what I'm going to do all the time cause she thinks it makes me not do those things, having set myself up with public pressure that way. She was specifically speaking to the album recording. The funny thing there is that I think she's right, and it's certainly a thought I have had before, but in regards to the recording thing, that's something I know I'm going to do. I've never really been inspired or excited in quite the way I am with songs. So cool!

Okay. That's a bit of an update. Feeling a bit bloggily rusty, so I'll practice getting good again, and we'll see.

Much love to you all,




I have a show on Sunday. At the Soho Bar and Grill on Denman at Davie, upstairs. 9pm. Medieval comedy death pit show. Hooliganism encouraged. As is attendance. Come see the show and tell me whether you think comedy is still something I ought to be pursuing. Cause I'm not really sure about it. I love it, and I looooove writing, but maybe it's a hobby? Maybe it's a road to something else.

All I really know is that I love riding my new bike, and I love reading books. Those are the two things keeping my feet firmly planted right now.

I'm cool.

The sun is out.

I have a lot going on. Possibly one of these days I'll let on.



There's this cow, see...

There's this cow, see. And the cow, it's in a doctor's office. It's sitting on the exam table, leaning forward, chin jutted earnestly, eyes bugging out, looking so worried and so hopeful and a bit desperate. The cow, it's got a huge cowbell around it's neck.

The doctor is standing there, looking so weary. He's holding a little hammer that you use to check reflexes, and he's tired, man. So tired. Don't forget, now, that the cow has this big bell around it's neck.

So the doctor says to the cow, with the weariness of the world, really, and he says, to the bell-wearing cow, he says,

"Yeah. That ringing in your ears? I think I can help you with that."

And that's the Zen lesson for today.

With Love and Gratitude,




A friend wrote me today and asked "...how's tricks, kid?".

Tricks are thus: I love the new job. I love that the restaurant is temporarily falling apart without me (I imagine them to be back up to speed soon, or operating at a different speed), even though it would be more graceful not to love that. I love my apartment. I love the way I've been looking lately, (specifically my hair).

I was sick in bed Thursday and Friday and because of that put my back out Saturday, (while shaving my legs, by the way. I'm such a nerd). Body says stop, brain has a hard time listening. Body and brain need to get on the same team. I have some plans in the works to make that happen.

Romantic life is so...so much like it always has been. Nebulous and changeable, and better ignored. I have new crushes all the time and they only lead to eye rolling and irritation. Comedy suffers. I can't do everything...(or everyONE, for that matter). Comedy really suffers.

Comedy is suffering hard lately. I don't know why. I think because of this disconnect between my brain and my body. I gotta get back in my body and out of my brain.

I am vibrating with anxiety most of the time even though, structurally speaking, my life seems to be going well. Worried and tense. I wake up sharply sucking in air most mornings, like something has jolted me. It takes me a minute to remember what day it is, where I am, what my face is for...

I am trying to book some time with a therapist, and I've booked a spot for a workshop with an Irish healer. Three days in April in Victoria. A friend of mine has been taking the guy's workshops and says it's no bullshit, just hard work. I think the most gifted healers out there are the ones that give you the space and safety to do the work, that facilitate the healing, as opposed to saying they will heal you. It takes some humility to be a good healer.

I'm hungry.

I'm going for a walk.

I'm okay, by the way, even with the anxiety. I am living with it and devising ways around it, which is what I think you're supposed to do. It's okay, to have anxious phases, and I'm better off not beating myself up about it. Just get to the root, dig it out, deal with it. Ich, that's what got me kind of tizzyfied, I guess. Getting back on the dealing-with-it train. Here we go, more work!!



Title me this, Bookman.

I figured something out. I know why I haven't been posting things much on the ol' bloggeroonie, (bloggerooney? blog-r-ooni?). It's because I'm greedy. I've been keeping all the good stuff for joke writing. I'm sorry to have to say it, but I redirected things...it's not you, it's me.

Or something.

But, yes, I figured it out when I thought of something funny I wanted to blog about, but then realized I wanted to save it for the stage, and I'm still going to. I'm pretty excited that I have some new things I want to try. It's been a rough couple of weeks with no shows. Makes me so testy. Looking forward to a few coming up. I hope I have the balls to do the new stuff I've been writing. It's not controversial, but it's personal. I'm pretty sure that's the best way to go, for a gal like me.

So. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you gotta come see me if you want the really good shit.




I never knew how elusive comedy really was until I had it for a minute and then it slipped through my fingers and I didn't have it any more. I was queen of the world for a minute. A minute. I want it back. Badly.

I love my new job, by the way. At Invoke Media. I am feeling incredible relief that I am using my brain again. It's up there, rattling around, might as well put it to use.

Me and David Bowie, we're gonna spend some quality time together now. I hear that, Bowie. I hear that.




Here's a little peek at what's coming up. Come out and see me, I'm having so much fun! Writing lots and feeling kind of groovy, actually.

Upcoming Shows-

Wednesday, January 30th, LIME (formerly RIME), 9:30pm, 1130 Commercial Drive, $5. Always an excellent night of comedy!

Tuesday, February 5th, KINO CAFE, 9:30pm, Cambie Street between 18th and 19th Avenue, pass the hat.

***Wednesday, February 6th, YUK YUK'S, 1015 Burrard Street, 8:30pm, $10.***

Sunday, February 10th, SOHO BAR & GRILL, 1184 Denman Street @ Davie upstairs, 9:00pm. NEW ROOM!!! Please come support it and keep it happening.

Saturday, February 23rd, THE WIRED BEAN, 200 West Esplanade, North Vancouver, 9pm, $5?

COMPETITION ALERT #2 (please note date change)
***Thursday, March 20th, CEILI'S IRISH PUB, 670 Smithe Street, 8pm.***

May or June - Breast Cancer Research Fundraiser - details to come. I'll be doing 20 minutes!



Here's Something

I am having a weird time. Money so tight, makes me anxious. Though someone reminded me I have been in worse financial positions. I have to find a second job. Sigh. Or a different full time one. I am at an interesting and intense crossroads. I feel like now is the time I have to choose whether I want the big comedy life or the little island life, as it were, and if I want the little island life then I can casually and contentedly go about my business exactly as I am, but if I want the big comedy life, well....the hard work starts now. What I really want is a month alone in a cabin to get some writing done. I am petulant about my job interrupting my creative life. Blah blah. You don't need to say anything or anything, I'm working it out, but it's a really strange time. I've never felt so unsure and sure of myself at the same time. Trying to plan long term, feel a city move coming on. I think my mom is going to sell the apartment this year, so I have to stop feeling like I'll be in it the rest of my life and start packing again. Everything is different for 2008. Especially me. I won't get into the incredibly intense psychic phenomena I am experiencing, but sufficed to say that I feel like my brain is open to all the energy in the world, universe and it's a bombardment of stimuli. I feel like I can see right through people's skin and into their hearts, which is minorly disconcerting. I think I am figuring out how powerful I am and trying to figure out how to be in control of that power. Talking talking. Thinking thinking. I need silence.



Hey, you guys.

Check out upcoming shows....===>

And quit worrying about me.

And hire me for something.