Is That MY Voice???

It has been soooo long since I wrote here. I got all backed up and then the more backed up I got the less inclined I was to write because of the backlog of information and then where to begin....

I have two songs now, that I have written, that I sing, that I play on guitar. I wrote the lyrics and the music. The songs are funny. The titles are thus: "You Gotta Be A Bit Bad", and "Communist Love Song". Though dates are not set for recording them, I am in the process of writing more so that I can record an album. CD. Podcast. Whatever. It's pretty exciting. At the risk of sounding trite, I believe I have found my voice. Performing songs is, without a doubt, the most amazing time I have ever had on stage. And I think that's really saying something, because I have had some amazing times on stage. I'm quite thrilled, really, to be so into it. I got my guitar for my 11th birthday, took lessons for a little while, and have remained at about the same skill level since I was twelve. Now I practice every day because I love it so much and you know what? I'm getting better! Practicing is improving my skill level! Who knew.

I'm really glad I have this in my life now, because along with riding my bike, (have I told you about my bike? Her name is Norma Jean. I'll post pix when I get home to my own computer. She's amazing.), along with riding my bike, playing the guitar saves my life. These are two things I can count on to bring me peace and pleasure. Good thing, too, because the summer of '08 has been a most challenging one. Well, it was the best summer ever right up 'til mid July. That's when Harry died. I'll devote another post to Harry, when I'm ready, but there is quite a void where he used to be. Broken hearts all around. It knocked the wind out of me. Two weeks later, lost my job. Remember how excited I was about getting that job? Well, I got downsized. Our business was pretty dependent on the American economy, and that's not doing so hot, so they couldn't afford to keep me any more. The ending was a bit shifty on their part, let me go with no notice, were douchebaggy about giving me my two weeks severance and now don't want me to apply for EI because they operate in kind of a shady way and my application will likely lead to them getting audited by Canada Revenue. They have been trying every tactic to get me to put the welfare of their company before the welfare of me. Which, by the way, is not a polite thing to do after you have dicked someone around a bit.

So I have applied for EI. First time in my life I've ever done that. Might as well. Same as how I might as well get a lawyer and get ICBC to settle with me, because they are being very, very sleazy indeed about a claim I made last year after I was injured in a car accident. Oooh, I am jumping through bureaucratic hoops like you wouldn't believe. But it's good, because I have always been prone to kind of rolling over and saying fuck it when things got hoopy, and this time I'm just going to be diligent and persevere and take care of things. It actually feels pretty good.

I have been experiencing an intense level of anxiety over all of this for the past few weeks, but I am working in a very focused way to get my breath back and make sure that I am taking good care of myself. With the exception of today when I ate too much peach cobbler at dinner. But I couldn't help it!! The peaches were organic and there were blueberries in there and the topping was all buttery and sugary and oaty....my mum makes the best cobbler. Anyway, if that's the worst thing I do to myself then I'm pretty on top of things.

Looking for work again, have a few interesting irons in the fire, don't want to talk about them until they are up and running or not. My mum says I gotta quit telling everyone what I'm going to do all the time cause she thinks it makes me not do those things, having set myself up with public pressure that way. She was specifically speaking to the album recording. The funny thing there is that I think she's right, and it's certainly a thought I have had before, but in regards to the recording thing, that's something I know I'm going to do. I've never really been inspired or excited in quite the way I am with songs. So cool!

Okay. That's a bit of an update. Feeling a bit bloggily rusty, so I'll practice getting good again, and we'll see.

Much love to you all,