I have lost my power to see into the future and have become the world's worst straight man. That's it, now I'm going to have to be funny ALL the time!! Oh, God, the pressure!! Ok. Settle down. You can do it. You've been through low comedy times before, and you've always bounced back. Maybe if there was chanting...ok, on 3 everyone chant "Fuh-NEE! Fuh-NEE!" 1....2.....3....GO!! Oh, I can hear you, I can! I'm Tinkerbell, coming back to life! Woohoo!
Ok, I know I said I gave two weeks notice, but then, the night before last, I couldn't sleep and walked around for hours, thinking I was certifiable, (everyone thinks they're crazy, right? RIGHT??), and I had a realization. I'm immobilized when people are mean to me. I completely don't have a set of coping skills for malicious behaviour. I just feel like a kid again, when Diana and Laura stole my 10 speed bike that I bought my own self with money I earned, a bike I bought in Ontario and managed to get all the way back to Vancouver, AND it was red. Anyway, they stole it and threw it in a dumpster. I never, ever understood behaviour like that, and to this day it just stymies me.
Anyway, I was up all night, afraid of my own possible retaliatory actions if I set foot in the office again, so I called and that's that. Of course I'm panicking. What kind of head up my asser do you think I am? I know it was rash, I know the future implications and ramifications, even though some people think I don't think about these things, I do. I just can't weather the poison, and certainly, especially not these days. So in the interest of self preservation...
Although, to be perfectly honest, I haven't exactly detensed. You know that Rheostatics song where the lyrics are "I'm feeling really down, today, I'm feeling like I'm owing money..."...well, that about describes it. Of course, I AM owing money, and that's part of it. I hate money. I suppose if I loved money I'd attract it, but I can't stand the stuff. It just ruins everything. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like having it, I just hate getting other people involved in any way. This has been a looooooooong learning curve for me, and I have a looooooooooooooooong way to go. I have other good qualities, I hope, to balance it out. I wish it wasn't the deciding factor, though.
Oh, for the love of Pete, (I do love Pete, I do!), I have gotten into full blown whining. Ich.
Stay tuned for installments on money and love and God and birthday party detritus.