I feel like complete crap. There's just no getting around it. I'm trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy in my daily dealings, but it's getting kind of tough. For a while I was able to be very jokey with everyone, and now I find that this fatigue has set in in earnest. Just so very tired all the time, and the effort to be silly or cheerful or anything is huge.
Of course, a thick depression can't keep a girl like me down. I'm off to celebrate birthdays of friends tonight....some high heels, some flowers in my hair, a little lip gloss, it's on, baby. Drown my sorrows in drink and flirtation. That's the ticket.
I'm determined to start working again this week. Money is definitely a motivating factor, but so is structure. I need to be in the swing again, doing things outside the sphere of sadness. I'm sure I'll have all kinds of time to ponder while driving all around, but at least the smell of flowers and all the colour will cheer me up. Or on, if I'm listening very closely.
Diana Frances is doing a ten minute piece for Definitely Not The Opera, heard Saturdays on CBC radio. Her piece is about women in comedy, specifically trying to figure out why there seem to be fewer ladies in the standup biz. We had french toast and chicken bacon, (who knew?), and she interviewed myself and Ian Boothby and Pia Guerra, and will go on to interview others. It was a very interesting discussion and raised a lot of questions about women and ambition and success.
I need some dinner. STAT.