Had a really good visit with Sean tonight. He did a set at Yuk Yuk's, which was great. He walked me to my car and we had a long chat about comedy. He imparted some of his wisdom to me and it all made real sense. He's so fucking brilliant it hurts me. Anyway, I'm glad to report that we have an in tact and, I think, very valuable friendship. I love the hell out of him, but somehow, I'm relaxed about it. Today I realized that something that I thought was true about myself actually is true. I'm completely fine with a romantic situation not going the way I want as long as I've been told the truth. And Sean tells the truth, there's no doubt about that. So I'm clear that us not going anywhere has to do with his mess and our bad timing, not because he thinks I'm gross and irritating, which is where I will go if I don't get the truth. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned the gross thing before, because I remember it cracking Warren up.
Another interesting thing happened tonight. I was watching the show at Yuk Yuk's and realized more than anything I wanted to be on the stage. It's always been that way with improv...that if I'm just watching a show I get itchy to be part of it. But with standup I've largely been relieved not to be performing. I think it's a sign of my true committment to the comedy world that all I wanted was to be up there. It was killing me. Sean thinks it was because it was a packed show and a great crowd, which is probably true, but I felt that way the other night at Jupiter, too, and there were only six people in the crowd and none of them were laughing, so it was a totally painful show but I wanted to be up there anyway, because I don't care how many people are in a room as long as they are all looking at ME.
The Scissor Sisters rule.