I would just like to take a moment and say that I'm sorry if I am not writing much lately. I have been very interested in just being in my experiences. I think I needed time to refill the well. To just take a lot in. And some time without being funny. Plus, the weather has been amazing and one has to take advantage of such things. So I have. I went to visit my friend who lives in the Pemberton Valley for two nights. I forgot how much I like to go on long drives in the country, to get somewhere pretty and quiet. He lives in a quiet spot in the mountains with several lakes in the immediate vicinity. On Thursday we went to TWO lakes. It was lovely and refreshing and I spent hours in the water. I feel oddly like I had a whole summer vacation in one day. We went to a beautiful farm near Mt. Currie called North Arm Farm. They sell all manner of farmy goods, fruit, veggies, meat, eggs, berries, flowers, honey, jams, pies....you get the idea. It was a magical spot, to be sure. I walked in the U-pick flower garden and was filled with the quiet and the beauty. I was in a field of flowers, in the beating sunshine, in the breeze, ringed by mountains. This is a moment I will hold in my heart. For the sheer peacefulness of it. It is a struggle sometimes for me to find enough peaceful moments. So they are precious.

I came home Saturday afternoon and some friends were here from Seattle, so we napped and ate and walked around. They watched the fireworks, which I cannot stand due to the crowds, so I came home and waited for them. It's not the sitting watching crowds that get to me so much, but the leaving crowds. I can't stand walking so slowly because I am hemmed in. I get trapped and angry, so it's better if I just avoid the situation altogether. I am starting to think that the way to deal with neuroses is just to accept them and do what you can to avoid triggering anxiety and upsetness. So I'll keep the large crowds in my life where they belong. In chairs facing the stage I'm on. Give me an orchestra pit between us and I can handle any number of people. Especially if I can exit the back way.

Speaking of crowds and me, I spent all day yesterday emceeing the Under the Volcano festival at Cates Park in North Vancouver. It was a lovely day, and a great festival. I set up my blanket in the shade of a giant tree behind the mainstage, and read my book and wandered out front for a couple of the bands, and every hour or so got up on stage and introduced another act, and made lost child and illegally parked car announcements. It was great. I kept the chatter to a minimum but managed to get a couple of laughs. I liked it a lot. Plus paid me. I still get giddy about getting paid for gigs.

I'm going to learn my lines now, as I am supposed to be off book tonight. I'm very excited about these shows, my part is hilarious. I love being in a show where I get to be funny. Have I mentioned before how much I love being funny?

On top of the other good things, time at the lake, doing shows, I am staying at my stepmother's for a few days while she is away. It is also like a mini vacation because the house is so beautiful and quiet and the bed is so comfortable, and oddly comforting even though it is the bed where my dad died. I feel so tucked in in that room. And peaceful. My little brother is around, too, because his apartment is such a cave and he feels better when he gets to stay somewhere where there is light. Not to mention a nice car he can use. I'm sure that staying here does many things for both of us, including make us sad, but also make us calm. We like to be around each other, and it is good to be around our dad's things. Though they are slowly, slowly morphing into something else. Into a different life, a different chapter. It is an interesting evolution, the evolution of grief. I don't entirely know where I am in the process, so I think I'll see my therapist again a few times when the Fringe Festival is over. I think I need a tune up.

Okay, you lovelies. I hope everyone is getting their lake time.


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