I'll tell ya this much. This is the last damned time I feel like dealing with the f***ing car breaking down. &%$/#!! If you see what I'm saying. I gotta get a job that doesn't require I have a car. This is retarded. I can't work if the car is broken, but I can't pay for the car to get fixed if I can't work. Etc. Same old story.
Huh, I just got off the phone with my friend Jy, who also happens to deliver flowers on the days when I don't, and he very kindly offered me his car for tomorrow so I don't have to miss a day of work. That was very nice and helpful and makes me feel not so much like I have too much on my plate to deal with all on my own with my tiny brain and neurotic heart.
So I gotta figure out a job that doesn't require the car so much. Maybe something close by me, over here on Commercial Drive. A coffee shop, I don't know. Ich, the very idea makes my skin crawl. There has to be something not customer service oriented. I don't have the chops for the servitude any more. Three days a week in the flower shop? I'll talk to them tomorrow. Plus the car insurance is up next month, and it didn't pass air care last time, so if it doesn't pass this time, I don't know if I can just get the temp insurance again.
So I'm in this show. It's pretty funny, my part is definitely funny, and it has been useful to me at least to learn that I get waaaaaaay more out of performing standup than I do out of performing in a silly wee show that I have no personal stake in. Of course I can be funny. I know I'm funny. It makes me remember that the challenge to me is really the writing. The crafting of the material. That's a good thing to be reminded of.
Next time I fall in love it's going to be with someone available. This is my sworn oath. Last emotionally unavailable stop has past, we're into bucolic splendour on the train trip of love. Ha. Fall in love again. As if.
I'm calling my therapist now. I need some serious couch time of the helpful sort. Actually, I could use some serious couch time of the lounging sort, as well. Well, more beach time than couch time.
Hm, I'm going to try to eat something that isn't chocolate now. Not cake, not truffles, not brownies, not gelato, not a slurpee, whatever. A sandwich, or something. Good luck to me, I guess.