I just watched I "heart" Huckabees. If you have never seen this movie, but you have experienced existential angst, see it. I seriously related to it. Plus, it was hilarious and strange, like me!

So. Mr. Married and I had "the talk" last night. Cooling our jets, putting it all off 'til he's sorted out. Could be quite a long time. We agreed that we are crazy about each other, but that we would like to do things in a healthy way. He needs time alone to figure out whether he's capable of being alone, I need to be the number one girl. Anyway, it's possible that it will never come back around to romance, which makes us both sad, but we're staying in touch, I'll happily offer him the comfort of a friendship. Anyway, I don't know where our story will go, but I'm happy that we're approaching it with what I feel is such wisdom. Could I use the word happy more often when discussing a situation I feel sad about? We haven't spoken today, having elected to not speak for a bit, in order to get used to the idea of a less intense situation. We are two very intense people, so it'll be a challenge. Also, we were talking several times a day and emailing lots, which, while not the easiest way to stay away from each other, was something I really liked. Normally I feel smothered when someone pays so much attention to me, but I could talk to him all the time and see him all the time and not feel weird about it. Anyway, we didn't talk today, and no emails with songs attached, so I kind of miss him. Luckily I had a long rehearsal this morning and a long nap this afternoon. Good ways not to think about it. Plus Georgia has agreed to be there when I feel like phoning him so I can phone her instead. Very important at this point, I believe, to be taking lots and lots of space.

I will say this. The whole thing, however it turns out, has been worth the past week. It's something to be reminded that I want to be cherished and adored. Nothing less.

I suppose some other romance could come up, I certainly won't be closed to it. You can't wait around for something that might happen, but you can hope. Nah, I don't even think I'll bother hoping. I'll just do my work and enjoy my life and keep the ol' ticker open to possibilities.

I have taken this week off of standup comedy in order to ride the wave of the great shows in Bellingham. I didn't want to come back and go right back into audiences of six people politely not laughing in order not to draw attention to themselves. Woohoo. I mean, I love it, but it's not always uplifting.

What else. I have things to talk about, to be sure...but I don't know. I'm all pms-y and don't really feel like getting into it. It's a very emotional week I'm in. Certainly lots of stuff has come up about my dad, which is also true for my brother, so I'm not sure what's in the air. Lots of need to stay home and tidy and think on the state of the universe. Hence, I "heart" Huckabees' apparent relevance.

Ok. My roomies are complaining about how hard I pound on the keys of my laptop.

Plus there are hot skateboarders on tv right now. Yum.

Be kind to each other.


No comments: