It snows, it snows. For some reason it seems out of place to me, unexpected. I don't know what I thought the winter would be like, but probably I was thinking there wasn't even going to be a winter. Working out the logistics of working somewhere well heated where looking nice is paramount, and commuting trying to avoid the chill, the mud soaked pantlegs, hat hair, frizz.
Got a bus pass today, feel like royalty. Love not looking for change all the time, know that at least for this month, I can get up and go anytime. Finding the pace of commuting rather pleasant, if not the early mornings. Like the time on the bus, listening to my ipod, breathing deep to maintain patience. Trying to get a better bead on the timing of things, as have found that if I'm not running late, then it is much easier to keep a level head and a self satisfied smirk.
Am I making sense? I don't feel like I'm making too much sense lately.
Need to get this move over and done with, have taken my sweet ass time, though for good reasons.
Have been thinking a lot about the trip to Toronto. I think as much as it ignited something, it scared me, too. Siobhan said it best when she quoted Ross Geller (David Schwimmer, in real life) and said, "Nobody likes change". It's kind of true. I mean, it's kind of how I feel about flying. I like being at another destination, but I don't like getting there. I like the other side of change, the growth, the lesson, whatever form it takes, but I find the actual changing to be quite upleasant. Committing full time to standup scares me. I love it so much, what if I never get anywhere with it?
I am having a bit of an artist's think, it seems. Wondering if I can do all the things I want without compromising any of them. What compromises am I willing to make? Mostly, where do I want being a standup comic to lead? I love the Stretch Mouth'd Rascalls, (we had the most amazing trip to Bellingham this past weekend, by the way.), I don't want to give that up, but where is it taking me? Where do I want it to take me? Anywhere? Can it just be what it is and can I keep it and love it for that? If I do that, what bites does is take out of my standup?
Honestly, it just occurred to me that it feels quite luxurious to be contemplating these questions. Very first world issues.
What if I never leave Vancouver for the rest of my life? What if I leave and never come back? If my brother moves to Toronto, can it be far behind for me? I hate being apart from my brother. He took a short job in Toronto and so won't be back until late December. I'm keeping my fingers crossed he makes it home for my birthday, Dec. 21st. That's all I really want for my birthday. My brother around.