Yes, yes, I still exist.
I have been back from Toronto for 5 days...and I'm surprisingly happy about it. This idea to move there...well...I am going to put it in my pondering cap and weigh some things out. Anyway, I have to hunker down here for the winter and write the damn show. Have had lots of offers of dramaturgy from good and talented people, so I better have something for them to dramaturg.
Was very tired when I got back, and kind of mistook it for malaise, but, in fact, am feeling quite pleased. Have sucked it up and am working in retail for the holidays. Back to the depths of hell I go, but, oh, so cheerfully. (La, la, la, can't wait to hear the same xmas music every day, all day, and be part of the chain of rampant consumerism. Hooray!) But a girl's gotta make her way.
Had lots of things in Toronto, comedy, family, art, music. Walked everywhere, my thighs are like steel pillars right now. Very satisfying.
Saw my bio dad for the first time in three and a half years. It was totally wonderful. For a while when we first saw each other I just sat next to him on the couch, his arm around me, having a little snuggle. I can't tell you how nice that was. How much I've been wishing for some real fatherly affection. It has gone a long way towards soothing me. Anyway, it can't be so long between visits again, it's too fraught with blame and misinformation. I don't think he even knew I was funny, even though I always have been. I guess me being funny hasn't really been part of our relationship, which is weird. I don't think I have ever been totally myself with either of my fathers. Gak. No energy for the hiding anymore.
Have received some nice accolades for my work since I got back to Vancouver, having developed a new character in Toronto who is very inspiring to me right now. Feeling a bit up in the air about where to focus myself. Do I quit improv and other things to focus solely on standup? I don't know. It would probably serve my standup, but I'm not sure I could do without the balance that theatre provides. Standup is such a hard edged community, and the theatre has lots of loveyness, which reminds me of the relaxed nature of my friends, and keeps me from turning into a complete asshole, which standup can encourage me to do.
Oof. I am nappy. I'm going to nap. I'll keep with the updates. Don't get all despondant and start phoning me with whiny requests to update my blog. Nonsense! Sometimes a girl just doesn't have anything to say. (Actually, in my case that's rarely true, but sometimes I don't want to write it as much as I want to shout it.)