A friend wrote me today and asked "...how's tricks, kid?".
Tricks are thus: I love the new job. I love that the restaurant is temporarily falling apart without me (I imagine them to be back up to speed soon, or operating at a different speed), even though it would be more graceful not to love that. I love my apartment. I love the way I've been looking lately, (specifically my hair).
I was sick in bed Thursday and Friday and because of that put my back out Saturday, (while shaving my legs, by the way. I'm such a nerd). Body says stop, brain has a hard time listening. Body and brain need to get on the same team. I have some plans in the works to make that happen.
Romantic life is so...so much like it always has been. Nebulous and changeable, and better ignored. I have new crushes all the time and they only lead to eye rolling and irritation. Comedy suffers. I can't do everything...(or everyONE, for that matter). Comedy really suffers.
Comedy is suffering hard lately. I don't know why. I think because of this disconnect between my brain and my body. I gotta get back in my body and out of my brain.
I am vibrating with anxiety most of the time even though, structurally speaking, my life seems to be going well. Worried and tense. I wake up sharply sucking in air most mornings, like something has jolted me. It takes me a minute to remember what day it is, where I am, what my face is for...
I am trying to book some time with a therapist, and I've booked a spot for a workshop with an Irish healer. Three days in April in Victoria. A friend of mine has been taking the guy's workshops and says it's no bullshit, just hard work. I think the most gifted healers out there are the ones that give you the space and safety to do the work, that facilitate the healing, as opposed to saying they will heal you. It takes some humility to be a good healer.
I'm going for a walk.
I'm okay, by the way, even with the anxiety. I am living with it and devising ways around it, which is what I think you're supposed to do. It's okay, to have anxious phases, and I'm better off not beating myself up about it. Just get to the root, dig it out, deal with it. Ich, that's what got me kind of tizzyfied, I guess. Getting back on the dealing-with-it train. Here we go, more work!!