Oh, for God's sake. I started writing an entry, erased it, started another one, erased that. I was trying to sound chipper and whatnot, and it just sounded shrieky and false. You know why? I'm not chipper. I'm fuckin' serious, if you want to know. I will admit that the new hairstyle has rendered me awfully cute, but cuteness does not make up for a furrowed brow. Botox, botox, botox. Last night I fantasized about getting my teeth fixed, a professional haircut and a personal trainer. Myself is at war with myself. My greedy, attention loving, fame seeking self wants to win. My socialist, compassionate self wants to take care of everyone. Hence the furrowed brow as I attempt to drown out these voices with pure, concentrated focus on comedy. Just stand up and be funny. That's all I want. I am letting go of caring what state the rest of my life is in, as long as I can do comedy. Be funny, stay alive. So everything else destabilizes, things get done and undone, relationships fail and change and hearts are broken. Things long held inside are given up to the Gods for want of a clearer mind. Just stand up and be funny. Likely this can be seen as a truly assholic phase, but I can not care, I can only be funny. That is all there is. That is all. Funny is truth, truth is funny.
I'm hungry. (Like for a sandwich, I mean.)
x
r.
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An attempt to avoid the maudlin. To think of absurdity and beauty as symbiotic. To be naked. I am endlessly fascinated with my own story.
3 comments:
I admire you for being good at something like comedy, and having the courage to go after it (making a name for yourself in that field). If it weren't for my depression and schizophrenia-related lack of motivation, I would like to make a real contribution in the field of software development, but it's just too much darn work. So trying to be funny and succeeding is better than dreaming of coding castles in the sky and not actually writing any code. All I can say is, go for it (and enjoy your BLT).
The perfectness is realized in women's imperfections, perfection becomes plain otherwise.. read this and you will know what I mean..
yes.. I still visit your blog :)
Yeah whatever keep it up, but I'll still be first in line at inside edition to cash in on your ass when you get famous.
Man- I can't believe I've been saying that for 15 years!
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