I just want to say one other thing. I miss my dad like crazy this week. This month. Every day. But some days it still just creeps up on my in this sneaky way. I came to the coffee place to do internet stuff this morning and now I'm sitting here getting all teary faced and wishing there was a way to bring him back. I hate it. I want him here. I don't want him wandering around in the ether possibly knowing that I'm doing things that would make him proud. I want him here. I want to work with him. I'm so fucking sad. I hope there's no time limits on sad. I know after the year anniversary you are supposed to buck up or something, but...well. There it is. I gotta get outta here and go weep. Thanks for the ear.
x
r.
ps- just as the tears started to actually drip off my chin, my friend Aresh walked by the window and came in and hugged me. I still have to go have a proper cry, but it was serendipitous, because he is a man who understands sadness and spends a great deal of time pondering the human condition. He is a sweet, good man.
1.19.2006
Burning Bridges
Have some good news but feel funny imparting it as am tremendously grouchy today and have my whiny pants on. Not my sexiest pants, for sure. But here it is, anyway.
Played in the improv tournament last night, the Cage Match at Havana Restaurant, and we, "Math", won the night. Can't say I'm not happy about it. Friendly competition and all, I still like winning. We were on fire last night and I am so proud of us for coming up with a new format that hasn't been done before, and it's so simple!
But I shan't gush, because I'm too grumpy. And, of course, it's all my fault. Which makes me grumpier. Just have to go deal with the rest of my stuff today, and I hate moving the most out of anything, and I wish the stuff would just fall off a cliff somewhere, because I'm tired of things. But I know that one day, maybe not soon, but one day, I'm going to have an apartment of my own again and will need some of said stuff. But I'm starting to get very bored of just carting it from port to port 'til I decide where to settle. Currently would rather live out of a backpack. Have also made Chris really mad as have imposed upon his and Katrin's generosity much longer than intended and much longer than either of them should have to put up with, so I got good and yelled at this morning, which is never a good way to start the day, whether you deserve it or not, which I do. Anyway, I have put a definite strain on the friendship. Sure that only time will tell whether it is more than just strain and a repair can be made. I hate it when I have to lie in my own messy bed I've made.
That's all you get for today. Perhaps when the unpleasant tasks ahead are dealt with and the pms has passed, (very, very bad this month, swinging wildly between suicidal and homocidal, watch out...), I will charmedy it up again.
Keep well, wear your sexy jeans,
x
r.
Played in the improv tournament last night, the Cage Match at Havana Restaurant, and we, "Math", won the night. Can't say I'm not happy about it. Friendly competition and all, I still like winning. We were on fire last night and I am so proud of us for coming up with a new format that hasn't been done before, and it's so simple!
But I shan't gush, because I'm too grumpy. And, of course, it's all my fault. Which makes me grumpier. Just have to go deal with the rest of my stuff today, and I hate moving the most out of anything, and I wish the stuff would just fall off a cliff somewhere, because I'm tired of things. But I know that one day, maybe not soon, but one day, I'm going to have an apartment of my own again and will need some of said stuff. But I'm starting to get very bored of just carting it from port to port 'til I decide where to settle. Currently would rather live out of a backpack. Have also made Chris really mad as have imposed upon his and Katrin's generosity much longer than intended and much longer than either of them should have to put up with, so I got good and yelled at this morning, which is never a good way to start the day, whether you deserve it or not, which I do. Anyway, I have put a definite strain on the friendship. Sure that only time will tell whether it is more than just strain and a repair can be made. I hate it when I have to lie in my own messy bed I've made.
That's all you get for today. Perhaps when the unpleasant tasks ahead are dealt with and the pms has passed, (very, very bad this month, swinging wildly between suicidal and homocidal, watch out...), I will charmedy it up again.
Keep well, wear your sexy jeans,
x
r.
1.08.2006
A vote for Harper is a vote for the avian flu.
Have been quite battered by a bout with the flu this past week, though likely not of the avian type. Clearly, since I don't play with dead chickens, like those children in Turkey. Who lets their children play with dead chickens? Don't they know the phrase, "Hey, those dead chickens are not a toy!" in Turkey? I bet they do now.
For some reason I like talking about chickens in Turkey. You figure it out.
Anyway, I'm out of the house and not passing out or sweating and dizzy and nauseous, so that's a good step. I'm in a cafe, using up free wireless time to catch up on all things internet related. Am jonesing for internet at home, but likely will write the show faster if I'm not checking my email every ten minutes.
There are a bunch of guys sitting at a table near me playing Go, if you know what that is. A game as old as the ages, mastered by wizened Asian men, and needful of a very alert brain, indeed.
I break here to mention that there is a very handsome man wandering around, causing me much distraction. Even with the flu, I am incorrigable. (ible?)
So these guys are playing Go, and it's funny, because I just really learned how to play that this year, and it fascinates me. I was just talking to my buddy Tim last night and we were agreeing to spend more time playing. Any time, really, having not played together before. But he and his father play, and my buddy Mike taught me this year, and I am hooked. I like thoughtful strategy games. Just about to go online and play a little online scrabble, in that very vein. Though I did just get a little dizzy, so I may just wander home in the rain...ich.
Last night it was sunny in all of my dreams and I was quite surprised to wake today and find it so grisly outside.
I have been watching the first season of "Lost" this week, am on my second go round as have introduced it to Siobhan and now am watching again with her. It's that good. I gotta get my hands on the second season, and soon, or I'm going to have a little fit. It has been contributing to very strange dreams. Along with the flu, of course. So my week has been surreal and I'm still not entirely sure what has happened and what I have dreamed, the dreams have been that palpable.
I have come to the conclusion that I want a boyfriend. For real. I haven't for years and years, but I would like to give it a try again. Apparently, according to several unreliable sources, the deciding is the important part, after that it just falls into place. We'll see. Pony up, boys!!
Listen, it's very important that you all go out and vote on the 23rd. Very important. Unless you are voting for Stephen Harper. Then it is very important that you get pinned under something heavy until the polls close, and sustaining only superficial injuries, of course. Can you really imagine living under a Harper regime? The man is a misguided snake. Which means when he intends to be slithering towards a destination he'll get all sidetracked and go right up your pantleg. Ich. I don't want Stephen Harper up my pants, do you? I thought not.
Anyhow, I implore you to think about what kind of country you really want to live in, and where you would like it go in the years, decades to come. Think not only of yourselves, but of your neighbours, your friends, your colleagues, your countrymen and understand that we are in it together, we are not every man for himself. Look deeply into your compassionate Canadian hearts and do not vote out of anger, but out of true desire for a sustainable future for all of us. I trust you with this.
x
r.
For some reason I like talking about chickens in Turkey. You figure it out.
Anyway, I'm out of the house and not passing out or sweating and dizzy and nauseous, so that's a good step. I'm in a cafe, using up free wireless time to catch up on all things internet related. Am jonesing for internet at home, but likely will write the show faster if I'm not checking my email every ten minutes.
There are a bunch of guys sitting at a table near me playing Go, if you know what that is. A game as old as the ages, mastered by wizened Asian men, and needful of a very alert brain, indeed.
I break here to mention that there is a very handsome man wandering around, causing me much distraction. Even with the flu, I am incorrigable. (ible?)
So these guys are playing Go, and it's funny, because I just really learned how to play that this year, and it fascinates me. I was just talking to my buddy Tim last night and we were agreeing to spend more time playing. Any time, really, having not played together before. But he and his father play, and my buddy Mike taught me this year, and I am hooked. I like thoughtful strategy games. Just about to go online and play a little online scrabble, in that very vein. Though I did just get a little dizzy, so I may just wander home in the rain...ich.
Last night it was sunny in all of my dreams and I was quite surprised to wake today and find it so grisly outside.
I have been watching the first season of "Lost" this week, am on my second go round as have introduced it to Siobhan and now am watching again with her. It's that good. I gotta get my hands on the second season, and soon, or I'm going to have a little fit. It has been contributing to very strange dreams. Along with the flu, of course. So my week has been surreal and I'm still not entirely sure what has happened and what I have dreamed, the dreams have been that palpable.
I have come to the conclusion that I want a boyfriend. For real. I haven't for years and years, but I would like to give it a try again. Apparently, according to several unreliable sources, the deciding is the important part, after that it just falls into place. We'll see. Pony up, boys!!
Listen, it's very important that you all go out and vote on the 23rd. Very important. Unless you are voting for Stephen Harper. Then it is very important that you get pinned under something heavy until the polls close, and sustaining only superficial injuries, of course. Can you really imagine living under a Harper regime? The man is a misguided snake. Which means when he intends to be slithering towards a destination he'll get all sidetracked and go right up your pantleg. Ich. I don't want Stephen Harper up my pants, do you? I thought not.
Anyhow, I implore you to think about what kind of country you really want to live in, and where you would like it go in the years, decades to come. Think not only of yourselves, but of your neighbours, your friends, your colleagues, your countrymen and understand that we are in it together, we are not every man for himself. Look deeply into your compassionate Canadian hearts and do not vote out of anger, but out of true desire for a sustainable future for all of us. I trust you with this.
x
r.
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