You're Gonna Make It After All.

Ever so tentatively I report that things are kind of....even. Though, this could be fleeting, as so much dust in the wind.....

(Insert sound effect of me choking back bile)

I had a good set tonight at DV8, so that was good. Chalk up one for the good guys. I think I went a whole day with no bad news.

Sean and I...kaputo. Let's not kid ourselves, we knew it was coming. But didn't we hope it would linger just a little longer? Like, you know, through the dog days of summer. Mmmm....summer romances. So nice. Late night swims in the lake. Smoking clove cigarettes on the dock, telling dirty jokes.

The poor boy fell off the wagon. The wagon was going very very fast, and he hit the ground hard. Then some other wagons that were right behind his wagon and going just as fast ran him over. Then he fell off a cliff. So, it was bad. So there you have it. I can be a better friend to him if we are not lovers, and I sidestep a near trainwreck. Still, though, I maintain a terribly soft spot in my heart for him. Onwards, Christian soldiers.

Remind me to tell you at a later date how I almost became a Christian last night. It was a weird moment. The feeling has passed, but it was kind of soothing for a minute. I had about ten seconds of feeling completely absolved of responsibility for anything. Very peaceful. Then it was over. These are strange times. I'm sure I've said it before.

Lordy, there was a reason I wanted to write tonight and I have forgotten it. Whatever, having a good set, even if there are only 15 people there, feels very, very good. A set that the other comics respected. Oooh, it makes me all wiggly inside to know that the other comics liked my set. I feel very amongst my people when I'm with them. I'm in a competition at the Urban Well on May 31st, 7:30pm. The audience chooses the winners of the first round, so I want to stack it. I am feeling oddly driven to do well in the competition. And oddly willing to sacrifice things in my life to just do comedy. I think I get it that I can disappear for a while to pay attention to my work and myself and that the love in my life won't disappear just because I do. I feel flutters of trepidation, but I'm willing to beat the butterflies back and get moving ahead.

Have configured my work schedule the way I want it, finally. Flowers Mon, Tues, Weds and 4 days off. I will need to be frugal. (This, you may have guessed, is not my strong suit. It's genetic.) But I can spend time at my office, which I never go to, and write the other days. I am happy to have a little structure for a bit. I think I find the idea soothing. Mmmmmmm.....soooooothing.

Night night, I shall dream of grand theatres full of laughter, raucous behaviour, and a spotlight. Purrrrrrrr.

x
r.