Fight or flight.

I have been remiss. Have I already started one of these entries with that very phrase? I think so. At least, I certainly always think I've been remiss. I like the word. It sounds like you should feel shame. And I do.

It has been a decidedly strange time. I have been through a very weird period with my family, not all of them but some of them. I feel strongly that I'd like to go into detail here, but am not sure of the public airing of it just now. It certainly wouldn't go over with them. Nevertheless, we haven't exactly been seeing eye to eye.

Did you know that my father is dying? I should explain something here, quickly, for those not in the know. I come from a millenial family. I have many people in parental roles in my life. There's the mummy, and the bio dad, and the step dad, who is my brother's bio dad and with whom we lived from the time I was very small, and step dad's wife, and my mother's fiance, and my bio dad's girlfriend. Some have less parental input, some have more, some would like to have more. Who is in what category is not important. But, so you know, it's my step dad that is dying. He has been ill for 2 years and 8 months today.

The thing is, we haven't always seen eye to eye about things, nor have his wife and I. I don't know what we all thought would happen when he got sick, but somehow, in one's head, one imagines this great catharsis and sudden coming together so there is nothing now but love and compassion and empathy that this is a confusing and sad time for all involved. But it is precisely because it is such a confusing and sad and angry and crazy-making situation that, as it turns out, things just kind of get exacerbated. We have had our peaks and valleys, for certain, but I think we have very different world views and possibly even value systems. We've been in more of a canyon than a valley of late.

I'm starting with a very nice therapist at the Jewish Family Services tomorrow, and I am very much looking forward to having someone to guide me through this. I always think I can figure things out and handle things myself, but I definitely feel unequipped to wade through this one. I am just a bundle of emotions, sometimes to the point of shutting down. I wear myself out with sadness and worry sometimes, and have to get under the proverbial covers with proverbial tea for proverbial days.

Today, though, was a really nice day. Yesterday, too. Yesterday Siobhan and I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for Ian and Pia, as well as my mum's fiance, Andy. My mum's in North Carolina taking a jewelery making course until December. We missed her. She's fun at dinner parties. Siobhan and I cooked all day and were good and tipsy by the time it all came together, but we were so proud of ourselves for keeping the imbibing modest until we were sure we had the meal well in hand. Outdid ourselves, really.

Then, tonight, we had a houseful and ate all the leftovers. It was like another impromptu Thanksgiving. Very sweet evening.

Jonah and I went walking down by the river in South Vancouver today. Sometimes I forget about the little nooks and crannies of peace this city offers, and am always grateful when I remember to go and have some oxygen and quiet. Plus, Jonah stepped in the marsh and got a soaker, so that was hilarious. We are having fun getting to be friends. It's so lovely when someone new comes into your life and it's just easy. We have a very easy time together. I appreciate that.

I haven't booked any comedy shows for this week, but I am working at the Vogue Theatre for a flamenco show for the next five nights, if anyone wants to come down and check it out for free, get in touch and I'll see how sales are going.

Sweet dreams, dear ones. Be kind to each other. Acheive peace.

x
r.